I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
