If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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