Umm I'm too high to move.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
