Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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