I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
