Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize