Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
