so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
