My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
