I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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