I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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