Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
