My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
