Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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