instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
