Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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