i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
