I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize