i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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