i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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