sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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