Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
