I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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