What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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