i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
time to smoke my breakfast
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
