just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
