it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
