Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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