So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
