I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
