At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This is my gift to your gina
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
