no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
