dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
