Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
