Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
