I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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