I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
