birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize