I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize