chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
