four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
