i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
