apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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