tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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