Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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