I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
