Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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