benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
