Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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