I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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