The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
