But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
