It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I want to be your penis for a week.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
