Taylor Swift is so right about you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
