omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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