how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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