I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Randomize
