I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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