She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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