Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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