so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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